Day 52 -- Practice

Byron was in charge today. He's great. When he walked in, he said, "You know what they say about small classes: they're quick, easy, and painless."

We all laughed.

Painless? No. Right from the start, my balance wasn't great. I had some good moments, but I found myself getting frustrated.

Byron must have been reading my mind, because then he said, "Remember: this isn't a yoga performance. This is a yoga practice."

And somehow, once I felt I had permission not to be perfect (not that I was even close), things got easier.

Thank heaven for intuitive teachers.

Day 44 -- Listen

In contrast to yesterday, today I needed to get out of the room.

Last night, my six-year-old was up at midnight with an earache. After I gave her some medicine, her sister tried to corral the dog, who had escaped from the girls' room (where she usually sleeps) and hidden under our bed. I told the girls just to go back to bed, and that Moneypenny could hang out with us for a while.

But it took me a long time to go back to sleep, partly because Moneypenny was fidgety, and her dog tags kept clinking and startling me fully awake. Then at 1am, she started barking at something outside, pulling me out of my drowse and back into adrenaline mode. I took her back downstairs, but again--it took me a long time to settle down.

And the alarm goes off every day at 5:15 a.m. There's no snooze, no wiggle room; it's not like I can skip the class I teach every weekday at 6am. So whenever I have a rough night (and they're actually quite few and far between these days, nothing like those years of nursing babies and toddlers), I promise myself a nap at some point, and that gets me going.

I got the kids off to school and headed to the yoga studio. I always love Brook's class, and things started out well. But halfway through the Standing Series, I felt faint. I sat out half of Triangle and got back up for Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee. In the past, I've always been able to get all the way through Tree, telling myself that the long Savasana is up next.

But today, I started blacking out during Tree. I staggered out of the room and sat for five minutes. Once it was time for Full Locust, I went back in.

At some point during the Floor Series, Brook reminded us to focus on her words when we felt overwhelmed and scattered. I always do this with all the teachers, and Brook's smooth, warm cadence makes that task particularly easy.

But today, I had to listen to my body as well. I needed the break today, as opposed to just wanting one yesterday. It did me good, and I got through and finished the class.

Day 40 -- Showing Up

Well, today I should be two thirds of the way through the Sixty-Day Challenge.

Except I'm not.

Last night, I went to bed pleased and hopeful--glad that I'd done that double, and feeling confident that I could do two more to finish the Challenge before April 29.

And then this morning, my six-year-old woke up with yet another fever. I'd planned to go to the 9am class this morning--and a newbie friend was going to come with me--and I had to cancel. The ground I gained yesterday is lost again. I'm back to owing three doubles in the next twenty days.

On other days, I might be able to do an afternoon or evening class once my teenagers are home, but not today. Not with two kids having orthodontist appointments at 3:30, three kids having swim practice at 5:40, and one receiving his Cub Scout Arrow of Light at 7:00 tonight. I'm booked up solid with kid stuff.

When I'm being rational, I remember that my family is my first priority, and that taking care of sick kids is a) part of the job I chose; and b) fulfilling in its own way.

But this Challenge is important to me. I didn't know whether I could even get this far, and now that there's light at the end of the tunnel, it's hard not to resent anything that gets in the way of my momentum.

So here I am, trying to let it go. I can show up for my family, and hopefully tomorrow my daughter will be well, and I can show up for another back-to-back double at the yoga studio.

Day 27 -- Milestones

After a very rough night's sleep and not feeling great this morning, I was not optimistic about how class would go today. On the drive to the studio, I told myself it was okay if I just sat cross-legged on my mat the whole time.

But then, I surprised myself. In Standing Bow, I saw my foot over my shoulder for the first time. I made it through both sets of Triangle. In Fixed Firm, I got all the way into the posture for the first time. (No pain!) And I made it through Camel without feeling like I was going to pass out. It was a banner day!

I've noticed other milestones, too. Today, my fresh-from-the-dryer jeans went on more easily. My yoga pants are all getting a bit baggy. And I have muscle definition in my upper arms and thighs that I've never had. It's exciting to notice the incremental progress.

Of course, tomorrow's challenge will be not having expectations. But I maybe will have a little more confidence than I did this morning.

Day 14 -- Expectations

Today's class was hard. The room felt hotter than usual--and more humid. I felt weak and got light-headed more than usual. It was hard to settle in. I had to sit out a couple of sets here and there.

I did my best, and it helped that Jeff was teaching. He's one of my favorites. It also helped that Patrick went with me today; it was very nice to have company.

But maybe part of the problem was this. It's Saturday; I got to sleep in. I got a little more sleep than usual (we were up later, too, though). I had my best friend with me. We don't have much else scheduled for today. For all of those reasons, I think I went into the class expecting it to be a little easier than it is during the week.

Did my expectations set me up for a fall? Not sure. And everybody tells me that progress is not a constant vector; there will be good days and less good days.

I'm still mulling it over. I'm glad I went, as always, and my slushy-cold Vitamin Water tasted as delicious as ever on the way home. There were good things about today's class; it just wasn't what I was expecting.