Just Breathe Through It

Back to reality.

I took a couple of days off after the end of the Challenge, then got back in the saddle on Saturday morning. I enjoyed my first Sunday off, and then BOOM. All of a sudden, it was Monday morning.

It's a good thing Brook teaches on Mondays; knowing that she'll be there greatly lessens the temptation for me to skip class. She's that good.

And it was a good class. These days, going to the studio feels a little like going into Cheers; I love the community and chit chat and support.

Camel was more overwhelming than it has been for a long time, but I remembered what Brook had already said a couple of times: "Just breathe through what you're feeling. It's only temporary." This is a life lesson, one I won't forget anytime soon.

I realized that I didn't give any hard numbers when I made my Day 60 report, but today all of my Challenge material is due, so here's the deal. During the Sixty-Day Challenge:

• I lost seven pounds.
• I lost an inch off my chest.
• I lost 4.5 inches off my waist (at the navel).
• I lost 1.25 inches off my hips.
• My upper arm stayed the same, and I lost a half inch from my thigh. 

Pretty good, eh?  A little over seven inches all over. I'm sure younger people with working thyroids did better, but I'm happy for any progress in the right direction. Hopefully, it's just the beginning.

Day 57 -- Sailing

Today's class with smooth-as-silk Eva felt almost easy. I was still working to my absolute edge, but things just...flowed. It helped to have made those amazing breakthroughs yesterday, but also I seemed to have some extra energy, somehow. I don't know why it happened, but it felt great to come out of every posture and not have to make a desperate grasp for stillness. I just stood and breathed and then did the next thing I was supposed to.

Roxanne, as always, was very encouraging afterward, and gave me a goal to work toward in Camel. "When you can see the wall behind you, not just the ceiling, you're ready to reach for your feet," she said. All righty, then. I'm on it.

Three more days of the Challenge! I can't believe it.

Day 56 -- Joy

Oh, that 5:30 a.m. alarm on a Saturday morning.

But on the drive to the yoga studio, I was excited. I know it seems like my favorite teacher is always the one I have that day (and isn't it great to have so many contenders for favorite), but I adore Roxanne. She's been so helpful and kind and willing to take time with me answering my endless questions. This morning, I remembered that I wanted to ask her about the third part of Awkward Pose, which has been my bane from Day One.

I didn't have time to ask her before we started, but then during class, it was as if she'd read my mind. It was a small group, and she came over and helped me figure out how to get down to my ankles--which I'd never been able to do before.

Other exciting breakthroughs today:

I grabbed my foot in Standing Head to Knee--with good hip alignment. That was a first, and Roxanne shouted for joy. Me getting my foot has been a quest of hers, and it was perfect that I got it right for the first time in her class.

In Triangle, Roxanne showed me a hip correction that COMPLETELY changed the posture. How did I not see it before? I was able to get my thigh parallel to the ground for the first time. (Of course, since I'd gotten to muscle failure in the third part of Awkward, I couldn't stay in Triangle for very long. Every time I think I'm getting stronger, I find a new weakness. Oh, well.)

The fourth breakthrough was emotional. If you've read about my Challenge thus far, you know that Camel has been a particular struggle for me, and also that the weight I carry in my gut is an ongoing concern. I sensed a couple of weeks ago that the two things were related, and today I had an insight that confirmed this. I've been visualizing releasing that weight every time I've done Camel since then, and the image that has come into my mind as I've done so is of an iceberg or a glacier calving.

When a big piece breaks off the side, that's what it's called: calving. (And wouldn't be great to let go of weight all at once like that?) But today, I realized that calving is also what a cow does, and that I've held on to weight in my stomach because it's hard to let go of the fact that my childbearing years are over.

Don't get me wrong; I'm happy to be done having kids; six plus one is plenty. But after so many years of it, it's hard to move on from that self-definition as a mother of young children. I don't know if that makes sense, but the truth of it for me--the source of my emotions starting to be uncovered in Camel--felt powerful. And now that I see it clearly, I can let it go. Emotion accompanies that kind of release, and today was no exception.

So, am I glad I woke up before dark and got to class? Oh, yes. I'm always happy I went to class, but today I experienced true joy.

Day 45 -- Habits

Three fourths of the way through the Sixty-Day Challenge! WOW.

My brother-in-law Bruce, aka my "yoga Yoda," counseled me to start thinking about what my yoga practice would look like after the Challenge is over. I've taken his advice and pondered. I see myself going on weekdays except Tuesday, and on Saturdays. No Sundays. I think I'd be happy with going to class four to five times a week.

I've been reading Gretchen Rubin's new book, Better than Before, in which she discusses how different people go about changing their lives for the better. She talks a lot about the power of habit, for good or for bad. I'm only about a quarter of the way through it, but already I've learned that I'm what Rubin calls an "obliger." I'm really good at keeping my commitments to others (which is why the group Challenge has worked so well for me), but not so good at keeping promises I make only to myself. I'm looking forward to learning about the strategies Rubin suggests for helping someone like me make and keep better habits.

One habit I've learned the hard way to maintain is electrolyte replacement. I've noticed a strong correlation between great classes, in which I feel strong and able, and consistent, careful hydration. Plain water is not enough. If you find yourself craving Fritos or other salty stuff, you need to replace electrolytes. But you probably need to anyway, if you're doing Bikram's yoga on a regular basis.

Here's my recipe for homemade "Gatorade":

1 quart water
1/3 cup juice or frozen fruit
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1-2 tablespoons honey, or other natural sweetener to taste

Put all ingredients in a blender with a few ice cubes. Whirl it up on high until the fruit and ice are blended. I like to make lots of different flavors from day to day. The frozen fruits I like best are either mixed berries or mango. The juices I prefer are either lemon or orange, preferably fresh-squeezed.

Drink all of it a couple of hours before class, then drink another batch afterward. I'm telling you: HUGE DIFFERENCE in my perception of how hot the room is, how focused I'm able to be, etc.

Byron was back from vacation today. He's another teacher with extensive knowledge of the postures and the human body. I learn from him every time I take his class. Today, he not only changed my understanding of Locust pose, he also confirmed my instinct that Camel is an amazing releasing posture. I'm still working on them all, building the habit of mind-body connection. Onward!

Day 42 -- Breakthrough

My husband and I went to Jesse's 6am class. Saturday insanity. When the alarm went off at 5:30, I briefly thought about shutting it off and going to the 3pm class instead, but I knew I'd a) feel amazing after class; b) be so glad to have my star on the chart and yoga done for the day; and c) run the risk of crazy Saturday life in this house throwing me off schedule if I procrastinated. So I got up and got going.

Jesse's a fabulous teacher. He really knows his yoga; he continues to take advanced classes in yoga physiology and is great at making that knowledge accessible to students. He insists on proper setup, and takes the time to explain exactly why. I've learned from every teacher, but Jesse combines depth of knowledge with humor and ease. Very excellent.

Oh, and I met Dana in person today. Hi, Dana! Thanks for reading!

It's always nice to have company in class, and Patrick felt like he had some breakthroughs in class. I was glad, because I had one, too.

I'm coming to terms with this 48-year-old body of mine. I accept and even love a lot of it, but I have still struggled with how much I don't love my stomach. I've heard yoga teachers talk about how different asanas release various emotions, and how people literally carry around stress and tension in different areas. I've wondered why certain postures--Camel and Rabbit--make me so uncomfortable.

Today during the floor series, I had a flash of inspiration. I'm carrying something (or somethings) in my midsection, something emotional, and the extra weight is cushioning that mysterious thing. Insulating it, protecting it. The image of a dung beetle, laboring along with that big ball of stuff, came into my mind.

I don't know what it is I'm carrying around, but I'm going to focus on releasing it. I have a feeling that if I am successful, the weight in that area will follow. From now on, I'm embracing Camel and how hard it is; I'm welcoming the panic I feel in Rabbit. I'll breathe and let it pass through me and be grateful for the signal that it is. We'll see what happens.

Day 38 -- Stars

I live for my Sixty-Day Challenge chart on the wall at the yoga studio. I love getting my star sticker and putting it in its little box after every class. Clearly, I was deprived as a kindergartner, because that humble piece of paper gives me an absurd sense of pride and accomplishment. The whole wall, filled with charts that sport new stars every day, is quite a sight.

Class today was with Jen, who is new to the Pasadena studio. I loved her approach to the dialog; she knew it perfectly, but it sounded like she was saying the familiar words for the first time. We're often told to approach the postures with a beginner's attitude, and Jen's fresh style made that much easier. Very enjoyable.

Superstar teacher and yogi Bernadette set up next to me in class, and she was even more of an inspiration up close and personal. I was glad for her example, because I struggled today. I noticed right away that I felt stiff and sore after a day away; I'd hoped that the extra rest would be in my favor, but it didn't seem to be.

In Camel, I experienced yet another kind of stars--the kind that are very familiar to those with low blood pressure. Green shooting stars are a sure sign that I'll pass out if I don't change something. I got into the back bend, but had to come out early both sets. But I let it go, as Jen directed. Too good is no good, as Val likes to say. Sometimes you have to ease off.

This is the most demanding exercise I've ever done--harder than Body for Life, harder than Crossfit, harder than training for a 5K. Why do I keep doing it? Because every time I leave the studio, I feel like a star, like I can do anything at all. It's all worth it for that.

Day 27 -- Milestones

After a very rough night's sleep and not feeling great this morning, I was not optimistic about how class would go today. On the drive to the studio, I told myself it was okay if I just sat cross-legged on my mat the whole time.

But then, I surprised myself. In Standing Bow, I saw my foot over my shoulder for the first time. I made it through both sets of Triangle. In Fixed Firm, I got all the way into the posture for the first time. (No pain!) And I made it through Camel without feeling like I was going to pass out. It was a banner day!

I've noticed other milestones, too. Today, my fresh-from-the-dryer jeans went on more easily. My yoga pants are all getting a bit baggy. And I have muscle definition in my upper arms and thighs that I've never had. It's exciting to notice the incremental progress.

Of course, tomorrow's challenge will be not having expectations. But I maybe will have a little more confidence than I did this morning.