Class was great today. Jeff always gets me to work even harder than I think I can, and even though I still stink at Triangle, I'm happy with my progress in so many other postures. And now I feel great. It's that simple. It's the time of the month when I'm normally feeling super anxious and irritable, but right now? It's all mellow.
Tomorrow is Jeff's special three-set class. THREE sets of all 26 asanas instead of two. It should take about two hours, he says. I'm going, largely because it counts as a double and I still have two of those to do, but also because he's going to show us some advanced expressions of the postures, which sounds really inspiring. And a lot of my yoga friends will be there, so we'll all be in it together.
One thing that makes me happy about Bikram Yoga Pasadena is the HUGE range of people that show up to class. The diversity is SO cool--all ages, ethnicities, orientations, walks of life--I love it. Not only is it a diverse group, it's an open, accepting, tolerant, and supportive group. These are good people trying hard to be better. It's always uplifting to be among them.
Showing posts with label Anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anxiety. Show all posts
Friday, April 17, 2015
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Day 12 -- Notice It
In 1989, I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. For a year, I slept 20-22 hours per day, and very gradually, through a lot of simultaneous self-care and pushing myself, went into remission--mostly. But even now, 26 years later, I have to be very careful.
A few years later, I got an additional diagnosis: Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My fatigue and anxiety, when combined, can cause me to literally panic when I get too tired. I worry about relapse; I worry about collapse. And that can be a vicious circle.
I noticed both my anxiety and my fatigue rising in my first Bikram class about a month ago. I was hot; I was pushing myself to my limits. I didn't know if I'd be able to make it through that class, but I decided that I only had two goals: to keep breathing and to stay in the room. I managed both.
Over the following weeks, as I got more comfortable with the class routine and expectations, my anxiety didn't trigger as much. I gave myself permission to sit out a set of a posture if I got light-headed. (This often happens to me in Camel or in Triangle; I think it has to do with my low blood pressure.)
And then I figured out something new. If I stayed in Camel and kept breathing, the light-headedness would subside. I didn't pass out or throw up. I just noticed the light-headedness and breathed through it.
It worked in Triangle, too. Lunging to the side, my arms stretching away from each other as hard as possible, I was uncomfortable. I felt dizzy. I noticed it and kept breathing. I made it through.
Sometimes noticing means taking action, but sometimes it just means...noticing. Detaching a bit and observing. Playing with the edge, as Brook likes to say. I'm getting better at noticing with a calm mind, dismissing my anxiety and telling it to come back later. This is a very good thing, and I look forward to applying it to other areas where my anxiety can paralyze me.
A few years later, I got an additional diagnosis: Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My fatigue and anxiety, when combined, can cause me to literally panic when I get too tired. I worry about relapse; I worry about collapse. And that can be a vicious circle.
I noticed both my anxiety and my fatigue rising in my first Bikram class about a month ago. I was hot; I was pushing myself to my limits. I didn't know if I'd be able to make it through that class, but I decided that I only had two goals: to keep breathing and to stay in the room. I managed both.
Over the following weeks, as I got more comfortable with the class routine and expectations, my anxiety didn't trigger as much. I gave myself permission to sit out a set of a posture if I got light-headed. (This often happens to me in Camel or in Triangle; I think it has to do with my low blood pressure.)
And then I figured out something new. If I stayed in Camel and kept breathing, the light-headedness would subside. I didn't pass out or throw up. I just noticed the light-headedness and breathed through it.
It worked in Triangle, too. Lunging to the side, my arms stretching away from each other as hard as possible, I was uncomfortable. I felt dizzy. I noticed it and kept breathing. I made it through.
Sometimes noticing means taking action, but sometimes it just means...noticing. Detaching a bit and observing. Playing with the edge, as Brook likes to say. I'm getting better at noticing with a calm mind, dismissing my anxiety and telling it to come back later. This is a very good thing, and I look forward to applying it to other areas where my anxiety can paralyze me.
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